frustration

wow! it's been quite a while since i've been able to grab a minute to chat with you on here! i'm sneaking in a few minutes to write/confess/be honest while the girls are busy watching Max & Ruby and also memorizing lines for a drama test tomorrow.

frus·tra·tion/frəˈstrāSHən/

Noun:

The feeling of being upset or annoyed, esp. because of inability to change or achieve something. An event or circumstance that causes one to have such a feeling.

have you ever felt this emotion? frustration?
if i'm being real, and you know i am sometimes a little too real, this has been a word to describe me lately.
frustrated or in a state of frustration
frustrated my mail inbox is over 1000 emails and growing daily
frustrated that i don't seem to be able to get a morning routine down pat
frustrated that my times with the Lord have not been what i want them to be
frustrated that one child is content with not giving her best in her school work  (*praise...training is happening and this is ssssslllloooowwwwlllyyyy starting to get better...baby steps :)*)
frustrated that bed time routines are thrown off on school days and the girls are getting in bed late
frustrated that i am tired all the time
i could go on and on...

at the end of the day (well, at the end of sunday night), i have realized i have some issues.
i have realized there are things i try to hold on to and control that i need to give up.
i need to let go of the fact that life happens and routines don't always work.
i need to remember that good habits can be formed but take time to establish themselves.
i need to remember that other people, even the people in my home, don't think like me, are not clones of me, and i have to be gentle in accepting other ideas, values, and ways of thinking.

sound simple and reading this thinking "that girl has issues"?
i hope not, but maybe you are right.
simply confessing that once i realized what my huge issues are, my perspective has been different.
i am working to correct the things that are in my power to control and remembering to let go of the things that are out of my control and not worth creating an issue out of.
the most important part of this journey through and out of frustration is realizing that my relationship with Jesus is HUGE!
without Him and His help, i will stay in this continual state of frustration and lack of happiness.

praying for you today and praying that you will keep me in your prayers.
we need each other, for sure!

gotta check this out

now, i'm not telling you how to live your life (that phrase is a constant joke in our home) but i really think this would help YOU if you would take the time to listen/watch.

at NewSpring Church, we are in a series called Overwhelmed.
have you ever felt that way?
the inbox never gets to 0, the messages on phone always come in, the laundry piles up higher and higher, as do the dishes in the sink....i could go on and on, but let's face it. we are all currently or recently have been overwhelmed!

this past sunday was an INCREDIBLE message titled "How to Overcome Stress and Anxiety".
hello?! did you read my previous post??? you all know, by now, that this (along with insecurity) is the area the devil likes to play crazy games in my head about.

i took so many notes on important info and quotes that i completely filled my paper...no margin anywhere left clean. :) i want to share some of those things with you. i want you to know that this is not "i have arrived, listen to me" but rather, here is TRUTH and let's focus on this and get our minds right, together!

first of all, please take a few moments and go HERE to check out Daniel 3:13-30. this is the text that is walked through in the message.
if you really want to have your mind blown, then go HERE and actually check out the service--Week 4. i PROMISE you will not be sorry about this!

today our pastor, Perry Noble, blogged about the service and I want to share what he said. you can check out his blog, which is amazing, by going HERE. all the notes i had taken were right here in what Pastor P blogged about. here you go!

Some of the things we covered this past Sunday were…

• Stress and anxiety comes about as a result of what is unplanned or unprepared for in our lives…which means we will ALWAYS have to deal with it.  So when it comes we should…
• Understand that God is Holy & Good – (Matthew 7:9-11) – Our circumstances do not alter His character, and if we doubt His goodness based on the fact that He did not do what we asked Him to do then that makes us the object of our worship and not Him!
• Believe His Promise – (See Isaiah 41:10) – HE IS WITH US!!!!  He will never leave us or forsake us…and HIS PRESENCE is greater than our problem!
• Stop Fighting For Control – Control is the greatest illusion in the universe (wrote about that here) and when we realize how little we have it should DRIVE us to our knees worship!  The enemy seeks to control you by getting you to focus on your circumstances…which is why we so desperately need to constantly dive into God’s Word, as I’ve heard it said before–who or what you listen to will ultimately determine what you do!  Listening to the enemy = fear, anxiety and worry.  Listening to the Lord = freedom!
• Open Your Eyes – When we are in the fire we should stop praying “get me out of here” and start praying, “Jesus, let me see you!”  Shadrack, Meshack and Abednego didn’t see Jesus until they were IN the fire!
• Embrace Freedom – The ONLY thing that was burned off of Shadrack, Meshack and Abednego in the fire was what the enemy put on them!!!  They went into the fire bound…they came out of the fire free!  God wasn’t trying to punish them…He was promoting them, but sometimes promotion comes through the fire!
• One more thing…three men went into the fire, four men were there, three came out…Jesus is still in the fire & so if you are there you are not alone (Isaiah 43:1-3!)

friend, know i am praying for you.
 
 

out of control

do you ever feel like you have the perfect day planned out only to have something come up and take out your plans?
i have felt this way often.
i will admit that i am a true type-a person.
i like lists, order, structure, routines, checklists, etc.
one downfall in this type of person is wanting to have control at all times.

sometimes this can be a good thing...if used in the right way.
it seems to help when in a roomful of kiddos or situation that needs some order.

it is not so helpful as a true follower of Christ.
as a follower of Christ, we know and believe that it is His plan we seek to follow--no matter what.

for me, it is something i continually have to fight against--my will trying to trump God's will.
it can be in the smallest things, like weekend plans thrown off by sickness.
or in the big things, recurring pain that puts life on hold.

either way. here is what i know in my head and want to fully embrace in my heart...
God's plan for me, in the little and in the big things, is SO much better than anything I could ever dream of.
it may not look like what i thought it should look like or be in my time frame, but His will is GOOD.

God is GOOD and God is ABLE.
He loves me more than i can even comprehend.
He loves you too!
like me, i hope that you will continually submit to Him, trusting Him with ALL of you and your heart.
it will not be something you regret...i promise!

will i ever be caught up?

have you found yourself asking this question...maybe even today?
i don't know about you but it seems like there is just not enough time in the day and not enough days in time to get all accomplished and checked off the never ending to-do list.
i guess it seems that way because it is truth.
the hard reality is that there will probably never be a day where you are able to get all of your to-do's checked off, quiet time with Jesus, all chores complete, family taken care of , exercise or you time in and anything else I may be forgetting.
are you okay with that?

if i'm being completely honest (and you know I always am!), there was a day (not so long ago) that I would answer that question with a resounding NO!
i want it all! i want my relationship with Jesus to be top notch, my relationship with my husband and kids to be what it needs to be, all homework and work complete before we eat dinner, baths and stories before bed, all chores to be completed, and fit some work out time in there somewhere.
on a good day, most of this happens...on a good day.
but then there's normal every day life.
stuff comes up.
life happens.
what has to go?

I had started off this year in full on cleaning crazy mode! let me tell you, my house looked good and I was so proud of that! I carried this on for a full month.
and then something happened.
I decided to get serious about exercising and my health. With my mornings starting at 5am now, that meant my schedule had to be adjusted.
cleaning became lower on the totem pole. as did blogging.
oh, how I have missed you, but I had to readjust some things.

I feel like I'm on the upswing of getting things in a proper balance.
my crazy cleaning mode is dying to come back out but I am choosing to replace the craziness with intentional time with the girls and not being distracted b/c of chores.
blogging has had to take a back seat to really spending time with my family and my man...instead of spending a few minutes disconnected on the computer.

this has been a big shift that I didn't think would be hard.
I realized I was holding tightly to some things that needed to let go.
my priorities needed an adjustment.
if you ask me the question now, am I okay that it all may not get done?
my answer is YES!
i'm still working on squelching the little part of me that wants to scream NO!
but balance is becoming my friend and Jesus is helping me see what needs to stay and what I need to let go of.

His help. His guidance. His wisdom. His thoughts.
that is what I need.
praying you find some balance today and this week!

What are you craving?

 Recently I shared that I was excited about this new book and study I had found in Made to Crave. I watched a live web cast last Monday night and I got so excited about what God is doing in and through this book/study that I purchased the book & Action plan on Amazon that night.

Friday my husband surprised me with an overnight stay in Asheville, NC to celebrate our 1 year anniversary (1.7.11)! How fun?! We had a great time in the chilly weather, but no snow sightings. :( Anyhoo, when we arrived back home Saturday evening, I opened our mailbox to find these goodies inside. I immediately started flipping through, taking measurements, and reading the material. Let me tell you why I am so excited to get this thing cranking....

 This time last year, I was at least 20 lbs lighter. I may have been at a slightly unhealthy weight, due to not eating well with the Endo pain. Regardless, 20lbs in a year is pretty significant. The weight was coupled with the fact that I have been very physically limited and completely unable to do exercise for 1 1/2 years. Needless to say I am not in the best shape I have ever been in. I have been honest with you guys that I have struggled with self image issues and insecurity for as long as I can remember. I am sure you can imagine how the devil is creating WW3 in my head daily with the extra pounds, clothes fitting way too tightly, bulges in places I have never had bulges, and seeing a person in the mirror I sometimes don't recognize.

Here is what I know. I can't help what has happened to me. I can use it for excuses and stay as I am. Or I can change. I can continue to use food, the thing that never changes and is always there, as my comfort or I can turn to Jesus.

You see, we all crave something. As I have learned from reading Lysa's book, we were created to crave. The definition of craving is something that you long for, want greatly, desire eagerly and beg for. Doesn't this accurately describe what our Heavenly Father wants from us?  What we are craving will always depend on whatever we are consuming. I can continue to consume comfort food and junk, or I can take control of my cravings and focus them on my Creator. I can either be saturated in the object of my desire (food/comfort) or I can be saturated in God's truth.

This day starts a new day. I will continue to stay hungry for Jesus. Is this going to be easy? Heck no! Satan loves nothing more than replace my craving for God with something else. But the more saturated I am in His truth, the more powerfully resistant I can become.

I want this for you! I want you, like me, to be healthy and whole. You know that Jesus desires that for you too? I was reading in Ephesians, with the Good Morning Girls, and this verse stuck out to me like crazy: Ephesians 1:4 (MSG) Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love.

Friend, I want to be whole and holy. I pray that you will join me this day, this year, in pursuing Jesus with all that we have. Know that I am praying for you!

Gentleness...how ya doing?

I read a blog post today from my sister-in-law, Kelly, and would invite you to check it out HERE.
It was just what I needed to read, hear, and be challenged to do something about...this issue of Gentleness.

Lately, to be honest, I have not been very gentle with my words, attitude, actions, and thoughts.
I tend to be known in our house as the one who lacks a lot of mercy. While that may not be a bad thing all the time, I don't want to be known as the mean one!

So here's the deal.
Go HERE and check out what is going on.

www.womenlivingwell.org

Join this challenge with us.
I am so excited to embark on this journey of truly releasing all that I hold on to and allowing God to move an do some pretty amazing things in my surrender. I hope you will try this too!

Love you guys!

Joy in the Morning

Hey friends!

I wanted to share a quick update with you and say a huge THANKS!
I had posted some honest confessions on Saturday and asked for your prayers.
You guys have been praying and I have felt your prayers!

Yesterday was a GREAT day!
The Lord really put such joy in my heart and I had a sense of renewal in my spirit.
You see, I have no "reason" to be depressed.
I truly have the most amazing husband, best girls, amazing family, awesome friends, incredible job, my health returned, and, most importantly, a Savior who loves me like no other.
I think that is why this "funk" caught me so off guard.

I know that this is a season we are going through as I try to get the Endo eliminated and have to have my hormones altered. I do know that this will not be "the norm", and that brings me comfort.

Yesterday's service was so amazing! If you have time, check it out HERE--it will be loaded and ready to go on Tuesday, Jan 4. The part of the service that resonated so much with me was something our worship leader talked about.

"I AM"
Have you ever thought that was a somewhat odd way that God told Moses to reveal Himself to the people in Exodus 3? In the past I have wondered about this. Yesterday it was explained in such an amazing way.
The people of Israel had been in bondage and slavery for such a long time. Their hope may have vanished. Their belief that freedom was possible probably destroyed. Their belief that there was anyone who loved and believed in them wiped out.
Yet God. Who loved them so much and wanted to make sure that they knew the power and depth of His love, said "I AM".

• I Am your hope
• I Am your release from all that holds you captive
• I Am your Savior
• I Am the restorer of your joy
• I Am the giver of a fresh start
• I Am the deliverer and will never leave you
• I Am the One who sees your tears, knows your fears, and will meet your needs
• I Am HERE!

Being reminded of our amazing "I AM" God was so powerful to me.
Also singing "You are worthy, You are worthy, God," took the focus off of me, myself, my deal, and put it entirely on what it should be on always--Jesus!

This day, I am so thankful for a fresh start. For new mercy and grace. For restoration and healing. For encouragement and support. For friends and family. And, mostly, for a God who is "I AM" and will always be all that I could ever need.

I pray this encourages your heart as it did mine.
Happy start to your new year.
My prayer for us is that we will all daily strive to be closer to Jesus today than we were yesterday and not let the distractions and worries of this world take our eyes off of what is truly most important.

my heart

hey everyone!
today i come to the blog with a different kind of post.
you all know, if you have spent any time here, that i am completely real and honest--sometimes to a fault.
i really can't hide my feelings and so i want to be real with you, my closest friends, family, and even some of you i may never meet.
i need your help.

you see...here's the deal. i am in a state of a funk right now. i don't really know how else to describe it.
i have thought it may be some sort of depression and it seems to be increasing, not decreasing.
i am in a very weird place, hormonally. i am in menopause, medically induced, and do take an "add back therapy", but i don't feel quite right.

i have never experienced any sort of depression so i don't know if that is what is going on.
here's where i need your help.
i could use all the prayers and words of advice you can spare.
i hate this feeling and hate the fact that no matter how much i pray, try to choose joy, try to use kind words, try to be intentional and positive, the yucky comes out.
i want to sleep all the time and have zero energy--even though scott and i have started working out almost daily.
i don't sleep well at night, but then that has never been something that comes easy for me.
there are very few smiles and laughs coming from me lately and i hate it!

yet, as much as i hate it, it is still here.
ugh!
that makes me mad too!
i want to fix things! maybe that is the "man" in me or my lack of affection for being out of control.
at the end of the day i know that God will deliver me out of this season just as He has been faithful through it all.
i just hate this. i hate this for my family. mainly scott. i feel like he gets the short end of the deal and he is the one person who should never get it!

like i said, this is me being completely real.
thank you for joining me in praying that God delivers me through this and that i am patient and obedient through this process/season He has allowed me to be in right now.
i love you guys and am so thankful for each of you--those close and so far away!
know that i am praying for you too! i pray that you feel the love of our Savior just as i do...even in this valley.

here's to hoping that all of you have a very Happy New Year and that 2012 is the best yet!! (that is what i am praying! not sure if your 2011 was rough, but ours was! we are believing great things for this next year!)

What about you?

This morning I was reading my daily devotion from Proverbs31.org (these are GREAT, by the way!) and I wanted to share a portion of it with you. You guys are now well aware of my deal with Endo over these past few years. I have been very transparent with my true feelings and how, even in the darkest moments, there was hope that only can come from Jesus. This devotion puts into words the reflection of my heart. Here is a portion of the devotion, but you can go HERE for the entire thing.


(This is written about Joseph, the earthly father of Jesus) ~Written by: Rachel Olsen

He just couldn’t see how his current circumstances were part of God’s plan for his life.

But Joseph was also a man who didn’t fully understand God’s plan, and he almost missed being part of it.

What at first looked like a huge problem, a troubling circumstance, a total reputation-wrecker to Joseph, turned out to be the most glorious thing in his life when seen from God’s perspective.
From this new viewpoint, Joseph saw what an honor it was to bear this burden. What a thrill to raise and know God’s own Son!

While we may not get an angel visitation, we can pause and consider this same possibility in our lives. There have been many instances when my circumstances seemed like a detour, or even destruction, of my plans. At those times I can’t imagine God bringing anything good out of what just seems like trouble.
But the story of Joseph brings me hope. It reminds me that God’s ways aren’t my ways. And sometimes in our greatest difficulties we find our greatest opportunities and blessed responsibilities. And he would have missed the life-defining lesson that God’s plans aren’t always logical in human eyes, but they can always be trusted.

Is there a problem you are facing today? Is it possible this could be part of God’s plans for you?

Dear Lord, thank You for Jesus. And thank You that Your plans for us are plans for good and not for evil – to give us a future and a hope. I trust You today with my life and my circumstances. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Application Steps:
Take time to read Joseph’s story in the gospel accounts of Jesus’ birth. Then process your concerns and troubles with God in prayer, and ask Him to help you replace your perspective with His.
Reflections:
Will I trust God with my present circumstances?
What step of faith can I make today so that I don’t miss God’s plans for me?
Power Verses:
2 Corinthians 1:10, “He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us …” (NIV)

Jeremiah 29:11, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” (NIV)

Proverbs 19:21, “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.” (NIV)

Praying for you today, sweet friend. As we go through this Christmas week, I pray that you will lean into the arms of our Savior more than ever before. Never forget that His birthday we celebrate is all due to His immense love for YOU and me. He came to earth so that we could come to Him. Praying you draw near to Him and bask in His love for you this Christmas week...and forever!

What a difference a year can make!

Last night was our work Christmas Party. Scott and I had a blast hanging out with and getting to know folks from  different campuses. It was a great night.

There was an element of fun at the party too...a DJ! If you know me at all, you know that I LOVE to dance. I don't care if I look ridiculous or not (which Scott assured me I didn't) I just can't help not moving to music. Ladies from all campuses, and a few guys, gathered on the dance floor and we laughed and danced the night away...well, maybe just until about 9:30, but still.

While Scott doesn't prefer to dance, he stood to the side of the dance floor and had fun chatting with other folks and laughing at us out there. He told me last night that he had a blast watching me have fun. Have fun? I did. Work up a sweat? I did that too! :)

All of these fun happenings got me thinking of this time last year. This time last year, Endo had taken hold of me and I was bed ridden. I didn't have the energy to bake Mycah a birthday cake, so we had to use store bought. (And for DeWeil-ing a cake, that just won't do!) I missed all of December at work last year. I didn't get to attend a Christmas service. I missed the staff Christmas party. I was doing all I could to make it day by day due to the pain.

I remember the night of last year's party, I convinced my sister to take me to Target. I had to just get out of the house for a minute and really needed to look for some Christmas presents. Since the sciatic pain was so great, due to Endo, I couldn't drive. We rolled up in Target, me walking with a pronounced limp, no make up on, and us moving at a snail's pace. We happened to see some folks from work there who were taking advantage of the free time after the party. I remember the feeling in my heart of a longing to be me. A longing to be normal again.

I know that I might be making this Endo thing sound as bad as terminal cancer, which I know it is not. However, I do feel like whenever your life is completely shut down, there are going to be some feelings of loss, heartache, and confusion. I felt all of those things for a while until I really embraced the fact that God loves me. God has a special plan for me. God is in control. No matter what, God is faithful and I can trust Him to take care of me. His timing is perfect. These things may sound trite but I will tell you they are truth. These truths are what have carried me through this past year.

So, hold on. He is doing great things in your life. You may be confused and may not be able to see them, but He is working! Thank God for where you are right now. Thank Him for His faithfulness. I know I do daily! I am so thankful for where He has brought me through this journey with Endo. I am so thankful for how He has healed my body, even if it wasn't on the time frame I thought it should have been. I am so thankful that through it all He has been faithful to me and my family. He is always at work and hears your heart. Never forget that!

Mercies in Disguise

I recently heard a song on the radio that stopped me in my tracks. It was a song about "mercies in disguise" and the timing could not have been better. You see, this last year of my life has been anything other than what I thought it would or should have been. I fully expected to be able to enjoy my first year of marriage making awesome memories with my husband and 2 stepdaughters as we explored life together. That did happen, but not the way I would have imagined.

Endo happened. For a while, I hated that word. It was like a true 4 letter word in my head. It had kept me from so much in life. It had controlled me. It kept me from work and confined me to my house. It stopped my world while everyone else moved along at a normal pace.

But there was one thing Endo could not do, take my eyes off of Jesus. Endo actually caused me, and my entire family, to seek God in new and different ways. We prayed bigger prayers and believed they would come true. We sought after Him to lift our spirits on down days and carry us through the hard times.

It was during this state of mind, being thankful for Endo, that I heard this song. I must share the lyrics with you as it is truly amazing. I pray that as you read through these lyrics that you will search your heart and your life and ask God to reveal to you your "mercies in disguise". Maybe, like me for a long time, you have held on to bitterness and anger at a certain event, diagnosis, situation, or relationship. Maybe it is time to deal with that and let that go. What better time to do this than this special holiday season. You see, God CAN when we CAN'T. He WILL when we WON'T. He sees the FUTURE when we can't let go of the PAST. He is ready to take you, just as you are, and love you like never before. Will you fall into His open arms?

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

~Blessings by Laura Story 

With this on my mind and my heart today, it was a funny "coincidence" (NOT! Nothing happens by chance! Our God is too big for there to be anything left to "chance") that this was our Pastor's blog post for today. I hope it brings comfort, peace, or even challenge you as you read. He CAN!!!

 

I can’t change someone’s heart…He Can!

I can’t do the impossible…He Can!

I can’t turn a bad situation into something amazing…He Can!

I can’t bring dead things back to life…He Can!

I can’t guarantee how things will turn out…He Can!

I can’t heal your hurts…He Can!

I can’t see the big picture all at once…He Can!

I can’t take something broken and turn it into something beautiful…He Can!

I can’t fill your heart with joy…He Can!

I can’t tell you what your purpose is on this planet…He Can!

I’m so thankful that HE CAN trumps I CAN’T in anything that comes my way!

~Perry Noble

Praying for you, dear friend. My family would love your prayers in return. We don't live in a perfect world and we are among imperfect people. Disappointment, frustration, and sadness are bound to happen. People don't always make the choices you would hope they would make, but there is hope. Jesus can do great things. It is up to us to TRUST Him. That is where we are now. Trusting Him for great things. Believing that HE CAN!

It's a First!

This week has been an extremely good GREAT week! It has been the first really, truly, amazing, awesome week our family has had in a long time. :) This week also had a lot of "first"s in it for me. As you roll into the weekend, maybe my list of firsts of will make you smile, chuckle, or at least be a tad entertaining on this chilly, willy Friday morning.

My firsts...

• This week was the first time I went into the grocery store for 2 items and came out with the 2 items needed. No more, no less. Surprised? I sure was. That often seems like mission impossible.
• This week I pinned my first pin on Pinterest. Yep. It's official. :) (I told Scott last night that Pinterest to me is like Tiger Net to him. It all made sense then. He said, "I just have to keep checking it because there is something new on here every time." My response, "Exactly!")
• This week I used my first, and only purchased, Groupon. I had bought it back in August for making some Christmas presents and it expired today. So, yesterday morning (nothing like waiting until the last minute!) I had Operation Groupon on in the hizzie. I am happy to say the projects turned out great and the Groupon was way handy! I mean, who doesn't like getting $100 of product for $35! I'll take that! :)
• This week I made my first Christmas gift! Yay! (Still working on trying to convince Scott it is good for us to decorate this weekend. Pray hard, people! I am hopeful a miracle will happen) :)
• I did my very first REAL workout this week...well, not ever! It was, however, my first real workout since the Endo has tried to shut my system down. It felt so good to be sore again. No worries. It was not my hip/leg/back kind of sore, but the sore in the spots targeted in the workout. Not only did I do it once, but we are going on 3 times this week! Woohoo! It is looking like this girl is almost back to normal!
• I paid off my first Lupron injection and am ready for injection number 2--which should be happening within the next week. Lupron may have some unpleasant side effects, but I'm extremely thankful for all of its benefits. Ready to get injection 2 and hopefully blast this Endo right on out of here...never to return! :)
• I sat on the couch last night snuggled with Sienna on one side and her stuffed dog laying on my chest. According to Sienna, Chookie (the dog) had fallen asleep on my chest. So, for the first time ever, as Sienna went to talk to Scott, I sat on the couch and scratched a stuffed dog behind the ear because that is what Sienna told me Chookie loved. Now. I know Chookie is not real...and so does Sienna. But her imagination is firing on all cylinders and I, for one, do not want to stifle that. If that means I sit on the couch and scratch a stuffed animals ear and talk in quiet voices so we don't wake him, well then that is what I will do. 
• This week was the first time that I could really clean my house, all by myself, in quite a few months. It was nice to have that feeling of accomplishment in such a simple task. You don't realize how you cherish the little things until you can't do the little things anymore.
• This week was the first week in which Scott and I were able to see the hand of God move in 2 days more than we have ever seen. From family generosity to finding out I'll be starting work within 2 weeks, it was truly a blessing. We have prayed, believed, expected, anticipated, and waited in faith as God has been orchestrating certain events and it was as if they all came together at the same time. It was truly a neat experience. Being able to see the hand of God move is such a powerful thing. To pray, in faith and belief, for so long and to see those prayers answered is such an encouragement. **Let me tell you, first hand, don't give up! Prayer does work! God hears you and knows the cries of your heart. His timing, plan, or method may not be as you would think or choose, but He has a greater plan for you! I am so thankful that He doesn't give up on us and that as long as we have breath, He has a plan for us. 

Well, there you have it. Not quite as exciting as I'm sure you imagined. Yet, a blessed week all the same.

Praying that you roll through your Friday with a sense of anticipation and excitement. Not wishing the hours away because the weekend begins, but taking time to notice all the "God moments" in your day and giving thanks for His goodness.

Hoping you have a fabulous weekend! Go Gamecocks!!! :) (Sorry, honey! I couldn't resist)

TGIF! Love, Mycah & Sienna

You are blessed!

We are in the time of the year where we count our blessings and think on all the things we are thankful for. I wonder how often we actually stop to think how truly blessed we are. I know that I have been doing a lot more of this lately...as I have had some time on my hands and been able to witness the amazing provision of God during this difficult season.

I was sitting in the car line having my quiet time, (remember yesterday's post about trying to focus and rid myself of distractions?) and I was reading in Matthew chapter 5. If you are familiar with the Bible, you will recognize this passage as having The Beatitudes in the beginning. I am trying to do my best to read the Bible with clear eyes, not relying on information I know or have read before. One way that helps me do this is to read the Bible in a different translation. Today I was reading in The Message translation (probably one of my most favorite, by the way). I have to share with you what I read. It was so good and rocked me to the core. If you want to check out the whole chapter, you can go HERE!

³"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.  ⁴"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
 ⁵"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.
 ⁶"You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.
 ⁷"You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.
 ⁸"You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
 ⁹"You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.
 ¹⁰"You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.
16 "Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.
22 The simple moral fact is that words kill. 
37 When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong. 
^43-47"You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.' I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.  ⁴⁸"In a word, what I'm saying is, Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you."

My prayer for you, as it is for me and my family, is that we will truly remember how blessed we are. That trials will make us reflect on the goodness of God. That being content in all things helps us be more selfless and generous. That our words and actions will truly reflect a life that is striving to be more like Jesus everyday. And that others will see something different in us and that "something" will help turn their eyes off of us and on to Jesus.

Have a great end of your week! Love you all!

What am I doing in here?

Have you ever been standing in a room at your house or somewhere at work and asked yourself this question, "What am I doing in here?" This happens to me ALL the time. I want to explain it away by dismissing it as menopausal amnesia, but truth be told, I'm not sure that is the truth.

You see, I am easily distracted. There is a lot going on in my brain, all the time, and sometimes it just goes a little haywire. Just today I had 3 projects to complete. Yet, all 3 are still at an "in process" state of being because I couldn't finish one completely without getting distracted. Or trying to do a little work on all 3 instead of prioritizing and finishing 1 before starting the other. This is the story of my life. I am really trying to do better about this issue. (But even now as I type, my brain is thinking of something I was wanting to do earlier and I almost got up from the computer to go do that very thing!) Ugh!

I am not sure if you can identify with this in all aspects of your life but maybe, like me, it does tend to carry over into all areas. One area that I am really hitting hard with focus is the area of my quiet time with Jesus. Now, let me just say that regular quiet times are vital and have been vital to me for quite a while. It would not be that I would neglect my time with the Lord daily, but my mind would tend to drift to to dos and what's nexts and creative projects instead of staying focused on what it should be focused on.

One thing I LOVE about church is that God reads your mail and the preacher often speaks into you right when you need to hear it. It may not be correction or discipline, but maybe creativity and suggestions. That is what happened to me earlier this year. Perry Noble, our pastor at NewSpring, did an entire message on how to study the Bible. It was so practical and an amazing message! You can check it out HERE! And the same thing happened this past Sunday. You can check out that message HERE!

I wanted to share some things with you that God is really bringing to my attention lately. I want us all, this blog family, to be connected to the Root and not disconnected and blame on our distractions. I know. We are all busy. Single, married, kids, grandkids, retired, working, stay at home mom....it doesn't matter. We are in the same boat. Satan will fill our minds and hearts with distractions just to drive us away or put a wedge in our relationship with Jesus.

• We are as close to God as we want to be.
• God wants to speak to us way more than we, often, want to listen.
• In reading through Job, as a church, we looked at 38:1-3. "Then the Lord answered Job out of the storm..." 38:1--God always speaks in the storm and Jesus reveals who He is in the storms 
• After Job listened to the voice of God, then he was blessed.
• Seek and Surrender to the Voice of God
• One of the primary ways that God speaks today is through the Bible
• Hebrews 4:12--The Bible is living and active and Jesus wants to meet you there daily
• Psalm 19:7-8--Word of God revives the soul
• Proverbs 30:5--Word is a shield for those to take refuge
• Goal of the Bible is NOT to change the way we FEEL, but to change the way we THINK!
• Yesterday's bread is not satisfactory for today's nourishment! (DAILY Bread--daily Bible time)

Thinking through these points/verses and examining where I am in my relationship with Jesus, one thought comes to mind "am I closer to God now than I was...3 months ago, 6 months ago, 1 year ago?" What about you? Do you think there may be somethings that you could possibly change that would take your relationship with Jesus to the next level?

I have been thinking through and praying over these questions. For me, I am making some changes. I have gotten in the habit of getting out of my house to do my quiet time. Right now, being in my home is a distraction. There are a million things to do and a million things to make my mind drift. It is really working when all I focus on is the Word. I am making sure that I am journaling prayers, reading the Bible, journaling verses and thoughts that stand out to me as I read, and also having a section of Listening & Distractions. In the Listening section, I write down things that I feel like God is pressing into me at that time. Often times it is not even related to what I read but something I feel stirring in my heart. The Distraction section is for me to write down the things that are vying for my attention (grocery items, to do reminders, calls to make, etc). This way I can put them in their place and then get back to focusing on what I am supposed to be doing.

Is this the only way to approach a quiet time? Of course not. Will this way guarantee that you won't get distracted or lose focus? Nope. But maybe it will spark something in you that will cause you to take stock of where you are. Then you, just like me, can start making changes that will grow your relationship with Jesus. Not sure where or what to read? If you will go HERE

Dear family and friends, thank you for listening to my rambles today. This is what God is dealing with ME about--letting distractions get the best of me. Maybe we can keep each other accountable and pray for one another so that we can get past the barriers that are hindering our walks with Jesus from going to the next level. Love you all!

Guilty Pleasures

This morning I happened to be randomly thinking about things that I love or indulge in that may seem odd to others. I have no idea why I am sharing this, except I am wondering if any of you do the same or wanted to share your guilty pleasures.

Here's the thing...most of the time you guys never respond. That is okay, as I am just glad you visit! But just want you to know that I would love to hear from you! :)

Here comes real honesty....

• When my hubby gets up in the mornings to go do his Quiet Time, I LOVE stretching out on the whole queen bed and enjoying a few more minutes of sleep.
• I absolutely LOVE the first spoonful of JIF peanut butter...can't keep it in the house because I have an addiction problem with the PB
• I adore reading and have a hard time passing up on new books
• I have a slight problem with playing solitaire on the computer. I know...it is crazy. But sometimes I just have to play until I win...weird.
• I love watching old reruns of Beverly Hills, 90210. Soap Net is awesome! (okay, well not really, but they do play 2 hrs of 90210 a day...which I do not watch daily, just randomly)
• Flavored coffee creamers...aaahhh! Love them!
• Exploring the DIY/Crafts section of Pinterest! I almost have a compulsion that I have to check it daily to see the newest ideas! Crazy!
• Warm fuzzy socks! I have 2 pair of crazy socks (one fuzzy blue with penguins & other fuzzy blue/green with gripper bottoms). Turn down the heat, throw on a sweatshirt, comfy pants, and fuzzy socks...and I'm in heaven!

Okay. There you have it folks. I am a tad odd and shared some of my secrets with you. Hope to hear from you and hope that you have a fantabulous weekend!!!

We have the girls this weekend so I'm not sure there will time for posting. If not, I'll check back in with you on Monday! Love you!

Brand New Day

Happy brand new day to you!
Whether you are reading this bright & early or late into the night, I wanted to share with you some thoughts I have had over the past 2 days.

Today is a brand new day.
Yesterday happened. Yes.
We lived our lives, the world kept spinning, and tomorrow is coming. Yes.
But today doesn't have to be the same as yesterday. Or the day before. Or the day before that. Or the week, month, year, decade before that!

Tuesday I got some pretty hard news for me to swallow. It wasn't life changing, soul shattering, or devastating. It was the kind of thing that happens when you totally thought it wouldn't. I was frustrated, disappointed, mad, and confused. At a system...not a person. Yet. It is done. That was yesterday (or technically, the day before yesterday).

Today (actually all of this started yesterday, but I didn't have a chance to blog...so just go with me) I choose to not be a slave to my yesterdays. I will not allow one company's decision alter how I view my tomorrow, how I treat those around me today, or even have the ability to alter my attitude. What is done is done.

Sounds simple, right? My deal with the insurance company may sound trivial to what you may be going through or have gone through. I know. I get it. Yet I am sure that the premise remains the same. Are you going to let your past die so that you can truly live? Are you going to be a slave to your yesterday/yesteryear? Or are you going to recognize that what is done is done. Let's deal with the now so that our later can be amazing!

Last night I had the opportunity to go to a Beth Moore Bible Study, Believing God. I had done this study some years ago, but it is the kind of thing that you can never tire of...at least I can't. She said something I shared with my husband after I got home. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Maybe this is only for me. So, if this doesn't resonate with you, no worries. Just think of this as me talking to myself right now. :)

"Observe the commands of the LORD your God, walking in his ways and revering him. For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land—a land with streams and pools of water, with springs flowing in the valleys and hills; a land with wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey; a land where bread will not be scarce and you will lack nothing; a land where the rocks are iron and you can dig copper out of the hills." Deuteronomy 8:6-9 
Now. As you look at these verses you may be wondering what in the world I could find great meaning in. Well here is the deal. You and I, as Christ followers, will receive our "Promised Land". There is a "good land" that the Lord has in store for you. Just as the Children of God walked into a literal "promised land" on earth, so does God have a promised land for you. We must cooperate with Him, believe in faith, and stay obedient to walk in the goodness God has for us here. But, the key thing is, He has good for you!!!

The part that can be hard for us, humans, to swallow is that God's definition of "good" for you may look entirely different than the "good" you may be thinking about. Go with me here. I would not have EVER dreamed that over the past year, I would have had to be out of work 6 out of the 12 months due to a sickness that I have no control over. I would not have thought that the first year of my married life, that I waited 31 years to enjoy, would have been spent stuck in my home, basically immobile. These are not the kinds of "good" things that I initially desire for my life. Let's be honest.

However, as I look back and from my current view, I can see goodness everywhere! I can see how I have seen the true character of my family tested and they have been the most supportive, loving, encouraging, nurturing people ever. I can see that my relationship with Jesus has been taken to a new level as I have been put through the fire and tested. (**note that I don't pass every "test" with flying colors. I get selfish, lose my temper, whine, complain, and resist, yet my heart is consistently set on identifying with Jesus and not relying on my own self to get through each day) I can see how my husband and I have really gotten control of spending and managing money as we went from 2 incomes to 1 overnight. I have seen the power of prayer as I never might have seen before. These are just a few of the "good"s I have seen.

Please know, that walking in faith is not going to be easy. Just yesterday, my husband and I had a serious talk about the what the future looks like and you could almost hear the panic starting to swell up in our minds and hearts. We had to stop, take those thoughts captive and replace them with truth. The truth is, God is not going to bring you so far in your life to then say "oh well, I'm done with you. Good luck!" That is not the God we serve. He is faithful. He will remain faithful. God doesn't change...we change.

Today I choose to change for the better. I am praying you will too. No matter what our yesterday or yesteryear, there is a tomorrow and a later that God has stored up just for you. A place where you walk in His goodness and blessing. This is not reserved for heaven, but meant to be enjoyed on earth. Praying that, together, we can walk day by day in the knowledge that He has GOOD for us! Love you so much!!!

Just a day in the life...

This afternoon I went in to get Sienna from her classroom, instead of waiting in the car line, since I had some treat bags to deliver. We got to hang out for a good hour before we went to get Mycah. We made a pit stop for Happy Hour at Sonic. :) Sienna wanted an orange slushy and I got a diet Strawberry Limeade. So tasty! We then hit up the Family Dollar to waste some time and try to see if there might be any toys she saw that Santa may be able to bring this year. (as Santa is on a budget this year) :)

We went to grab Mycah and then we all headed home. Tuesdays are fun days for me. Though we don't have the girls on Tuesdays, I get to spend a little time with them since their mom has class until around 4. We gobbled up some snacks and then set out to do work. Mycah got started on her homework and Sienna started  on creating a "design your own" mirror.

Though this is just an ordinary afternoon, with nothing special really going on, I just had to share. Because it is the moments like these that make my heart swell. Even though Scott has to work really late tonight, his afternoon phone call made it all okay. (He is in yet another insane crunch time at work. Prayers for time management, not getting flustered, and wisdom would be much appreciated.)

As Sienna was creating and designing her mirror, she picked up one of the jewels and begin to stare at it. This is what I saw...

Not wanting to really break this moment, but curious what she was doing, I quietly asked, "Sienna, what are you thinking about?" She turned the back of the self-adhesive jewel to me and whispered, "It looks like snow. Like snow on the branches." (here is what she was looking at)

I whispered back, "You are right, Sienna. It does look like snow on the tree branches." *Sigh* I love the random thoughts and musings of our children!

I wanted to peek in on Mycah and check out how homework was coming. I entered her room and made my way to work area. I asked if I could take her picture. The first response was, "Why?" I should have said something like "I know I'm weird, but I just want to capture you doing the normal everyday things because I love you." However, my response was not as graceful or full of love. I simply said, "Why not?" (I have already asked for forgiveness for my lack of control of my tongue and have been rebuked for my casual attitude--I'm learning.) Her next response made me smile, "Sure." So here she is. In her work corner, doing her normal thing.

Homework. My oh my, how we have come to loathe it yet know that we can't hurry up, be lazy, copy peoples' papers, or just not do it. That never seems to turn out well. We are all learning!


So here's to hoping your normal, everyday, day in and day out, rest of your day goes fabulous. Praying that you have a chance to savor the little things and shower those around you with love. I am working on being more intentional about this! :)

It's All About Perspective

Okay.
Here are a few pictures that I would love for you to try to guess.
Number one...

Courtesy of: webmaster@whatsfordinner.net

Number two...

Courtesy of: Guess The Close Up Flickr Group

Number 3...

Courtesy of: Guess The Close Up Flickr Group

 Any ideas???
It  is all about perspective. These photos are zoomed in and our guesses are probably all over the board when it comes to trying to solve these puzzles.
Here are the answers.

Courtesy of: webmaster@whatsfordinner.net

Number one is...a shoe stretcher.

Number two is...a bath sponge/puff.

Number three is...light cover (think flourescent/outdoor light)

It is all about perspective. I know I am a little late on current movies, but Scott, the girls, and I watched Soul Surfer together on Sunday night. It is an incredible movie, if you haven't seen it yet. (and it is now in the Red Box and Blockbuster kiosks) :)

At the beginning of the movie, before there is any real drama in the plot line, the main character joins her friends for a student Bible study time. Their teacher shows them pictures, similar to the ones above, and talks to them about perspective. "It's hard to look at things that are too close." Often we don’t understand why we face the struggles in our life.  We only understand them with perspective that comes with time. I also think that sometimes you have to be removed from the situation in order to really see it as it is. Another great quote from the movie is, "Compassion can drive us to do amazing things and give us perspective."


If you are facing adversity right now, in the midst of a storm, or just wrestling with something maybe no one knows about but you and God, I would encourage you to go HERE! It is an awesome site that has a Bible study guide you can download that goes along with the movie. I love the fact there is so much scripture ready for you and it relates to issues that all of us deal with. Check it out :)

I have been reading and studying Psalm 119 in my quiet time recently. It has been just what I needed. In it, David pours his heart out to God, honest about what is going on, yet never doubting that God is with him and has a plan for him. I love the fact that we can be honest with God. He is strong enough for our questions, our ranging emotions/feelings, but, at the end of the day, He is with us. He loves us. He never leaves us. He sees your hurt and your joys. When you are on cloud 9, so is He! He longs for you to be close to Him and cherishes the moments that you have together. This makes my heart smile and gives me such peace.

I have had about 8 really good days. The pain had almost disappeared. I was almost feeling like a normal person again. But the pain is creeping back in. Since Sunday, it has gotten more noticeable. I am so thankful for the time that I had as a reprieve from the pain and allowed for some great family time.
Now what?
I am choosing to hold on to these verses and claim the promises that God has the power to heal, and He will.
He will for you too!

• Psalm 119:5--Oh, that my steps may be steady, keeping to the course you set.
• Psalm 119:34--Give me insight so I can do what you tell me--my whole life one long, obedient response.
• Psalm 119:50--These words hold me up in bad times, yes, your promises rejuvenate me.
• Psalm 119:71-72--My troubles turned out all for the best--they forced me to learn from your textbook. Truth from your mouth means more to me than striking it rich in a gold mine.
• Psalm 119: 75-77--I can see now, God, that your decisions are right; your testing has taught me what's true and right. Oh, love me--and right now!--hold me tight! just the way you promised. Now comfort me so I can live, really live; your revelation is the tune I dance to.
• Psalm 119:92-93--If your revelation hadn't delighted me so, I would have given up when the hard times came. But I'll never forget the advice you gave me; you saved my life with those wise words.
• Psalm 119:96--I see the limits to everything human, but the horizons can't contain your commands.
• Psalm 119:107--Everything's falling apart on me, God; put me together again with your Word.
• Psalm 119:114--You're my place of quiet retreat; I wait for your Word to renew me.
• Psalm 119:143--Even though troubles came down on me hard, your commands always gave me delight.

Want to check out more from this Psalm? You can check THIS out...all the above verses are from The Message translation. You can read it in different translations at the site above.

Praying for you today!
Hope your midweek is filled with hope, joy, love, and lots of great smiles and hugs from family/friends! ;)

What I'm Reading...& Learning

So. You know by now I am an avid reader. Scott likes to tease me about being a nerd, but he has embraced the value of book reading and can be caught on any given night reading books to Sienna. :) (Victory!)

Well, with Scott out of town, the girls away, and the pain back, it has given way to lots of reading time.
I am a big Karen Kingsbury fan. I have read almost ALL of her books--every one of the Baxter/Flanigan series books. But I discovered one I had somehow missed. The timing could not have been more perfect--as it was a true tear jerker and I cried like a baby, while loving every word on the pages. I was glad Scott didn't walk in on my reading and crying and think something was terribly wrong. :)

This Side of Heaven. A stand alone book, not part of a series. However, does have Cody Gunner and family in it, from A Thousand Tomorrows & Just Beyond the Clouds.

Now, ALL of Karen's books have a million things that tug at your heart, make you smile, and, most importantly, direct all the focus back to God. But this book. This book resonated with me in a completely new way. Maybe because I could identify with the main character's pain and life being on hold as you wait for healing. Or maybe because I could see how I used to be a person that didn't value the least, last, or the lost as I do now. Maybe because the theme is knowing that on this side of heaven, things aren't always easy and don't always go as planned. Or maybe it's because of this one verse used throughout the book.....
"My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life." Psalm 119:50 (NIV). The Message version states, "These words hold me up in bad times; yes, your promises rejuvenate me."

How powerful is that?! On this side of heaven, there will be trouble. There will be pain. It will not all make sense. We will not have all the answers. We can choose to get wrapped up in the what ifs, whys, why nots, etc, or we can choose to take hold of God's Word. His promise, the Bible, is the only truth we have that is never changing and always with us.

Maybe this hits me like a ton of bricks because of my current situation. However, I pray it rings true with you. Take time today to love deeper, speak love, show gratitude, display affection, pray, & move in compassion towards the least, last, and lost around you.

The happiest day of my life, shared with those closest to me. Living life and loving life. Thank you Jesus!

Let's be real

I recently read a GREAT blog (check it out HERE) and was asked to finish the statement, "If I were to be really honest, ____________. "

My mind started going into hyper speed thinking of the different ways I could be brutally honest & finish that statement. Here is what I thought:
"If I were to be really honest,...

• I love to do laundry & make beds but I HATE doing dishes and cleaning the shower.
• I really don't like where God has me right now, but I know He has a plan. I have to die to ME daily & am so thankful He has filled me with JOY through it all.
• I am almost scared of "real life" after being out of it for over a month now.
• I want to protect our children from every possible danger yet I know our role is to train them up in Jesus & guide them to be independent and allow them to make mistakes.
• the thought of entertaining people or doing dinner parties scares me to death and I don't know why.
• I am coming out of being a person consumed and held captive by insecurity.
• I miss my family and realize I need to do a better job of keeping up with everyone.
• I hate wearing make up and wish I could live in yoga pants. (I know my husband wouldn't like this one every day :) )
• I wish life were a musical! 

Random, yet true. So...what about you?